curcol · mikirmikir · past

tingling feeling.

Actually, loooong time ago….my juniors asked me about my experiences related to LOVE.

And recently, my friends asked me about it, too.
They all thought that I was never felt it.

I didn’t answer the question yet. I just smiled. Wahaha 😉

I’ll write it here, so..

Kids, this is my story related to love before I met your father *halah

Yeah, I’ll start!

And oh..

If u’re asking me at the present, I’ll deny all the feelings I had at that time and explain it why, telling u the correlation between stupid hormones, feelings, and false hope of an innocent girl-aka me- in an excruciating scientific way. I’ll tell u about d*mn-skeptic kind of ‘our’ relationship.

Ok. Let’s start!

When’s the last time you’re in love with someone?

Long time ago (I wont give u the detail) a very smart and cool guy.

I know him better than anyone in our -let say- ‘circumstance’. How he spent his time, how he interacts with his friends. Firstly, he’s a very thoughtful and introvert guy. But actually he’s kind and crazy.

He doesn’t know how to express his true feeling to others.

He loves music and sports.

He loves babies *oh yeah, everyone loves babies

And etc. too lazy too remember.

Well, I know him from our chat, my own investigation (didn’t I tell u? I investigate. I’m so much pretty good at it)


How does it feel?

I have this ‘butterfly effect’ all the time. It’s queasy. I can’t sleep. I can’t look at his face. But yeah, I can hide that feeling from him, my family and my friends. As it turns out, it’s not just an addictive heart beatings, when our eyes met, it felt like someone stabbed my heart with a big big knife, I can’t breath for a second even I can felt his presence, yes-his presence.

I denied that feeling. I tried hard to hide that feeling, though.

Worstly, I and him, somehow..connected.

Gratefully, we’re not in a relationship. We are just friends 🙂

I have a commitment to not make a relationship before marriage.

Do you think that I am a conservative? Yes, I am.

What about the first one?

That’s the first one.

And when’s the last time you feel brokenhearted?

That’s the last time. I never feel it yet. I hope I’ll feel it again with someone-called-husband *grin

The reason why:  I finally knew that actually he has a-friend, -oh-yes, she’s a girl. And he’s ‘tagging’ her to be his wife in the future. I didn’t meet the girl. He didn’t know the feeling that I had to him and that I knew the girl–until now. Why? Let’s say Allah gave me the hints. The hints were made a constellation and I knew that girl was existed. Ahaha. Even I saw their conversation in many socmed. It’s hurt. Yes, I investigate, anyway 😉

How do you survive it?

It is something that I would hide for the rest of my life, my best friends know some parts of this, but there were none of them who knew the entire story 😉 I suffered from a tremendous pain when I feel brokenhearted. It has its own oh-my-God-I’m-sooo-stupid memories with.

That’s all.

Maybe this song can describe that feeling–Oh, I always love Mocca.



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